Dios me dio un marido maravilloso que me ama, cuatro hijas bellísimas y sanas, un perro, un gato, la oportunidad de prepararme para una profesión que me apasiona, la posibilidad de servir en otros países, incluso de viajar conociendo lugares paradisíacos y gente encantadora, ¿Qué más podía pedir?

Contradictorio como parezca, nada de eso bastó por mucho tiempo, y mi vida no tenía el brillo que debió haber tenido. Me sentía desdichada, literalmente «arrastrada de los pelos» por circunstancias de la vida. Esa era mi manera de describir mi condición.

Para llegar a esta declaración, o definición de mi situación muchas cosas pasaron, muchas decisiones no tomadas, que son las peores. Mucho callar, y tragar situaciones que no me gustaban, con las que no me sentía cómoda. Algunas puedo contar, otras no, pero en definitiva, lo que importa es que colaboraron en llevarme a esta enfermedad madre de las somatizaciones, según mi concepto personal. Porque la fibromialgia es, visto desde la propia experiencia el dolor físico y crónico por todo lo no dicho, no disfrutado, no elegido, por todo lo consentido sin estar de acuerdo. En fin, en resumidas cuentas, por tanta vida no vivida.

Me suena conocido

En el año 2012 más o menos escuché la mala palabra por primera vez. Hablando con una señora, ella me comentaba de sus achaques de salud y mencionó que tenía fibromialgia. Recuerdo que me llamó tanto la atención que lo anoté en un papelito que guardé en mi cartera. Llamó mi atención no tanto por tratarse de una enfermedad de la que no había oído hablar antes, sino porque los síntomas se me hicieron muy familiares: dolor crónico generalizado, cansancio crónico, mareos. Recuerdo haber investigado en internet sobre el tema, pero me pareció que los síntomas eran muchos comparado con lo que yo experimentaba en ese momento.

Pasaron algunos años y mi fatiga y dolor crónico se agudizaron, sumados a mareos y grandes contracturas en la zona cervical. Bruxismo. Dispepsia. Síndrome de piernas inquietas. Hacer ejercicio me aliviaba poco. Incluso solían darme fuertes calambres en las piernas y pies por la noche luego de un día de intensa actividad.

Tal es así que en enero de 2016 cuando hablé con mi médico de cabecera, luego de un chequeo completo que, como de costumbre salió perfecto, llorando le dije: No puede estar todo bien. Mientras el completaba mi ficha médica, le mencioné mis síntomas y la enfermedad que había estado estudiando y de la que sospechaba fuera la posible causante de los mismos. Entonces el facultativo levantó la vista, y girando la ficha médica me mostró lo que él ya había escrito como diagnóstico: FIBROMIALGIA.

Quedé helada. Fue un momento fuerte. Un golpe duro. Silencio. Un nudo en la garganta.

Una contradicción interna entre el querer que alguien le pusiera nombre de una vez por todas a lo que me estaba pasando, y el no querer hacerme cargo de una enfermedad de ese porte.

Salí de allí aturdida, con dolor en el alma. ¿Cómo pude llegar a esto? Yo que hacía varias cosas a la vez, y las hacía con ganas. Que me levantaba temprano, con energía. Qué tenía motivación para cada día. Que era capaz de hacer frente a lo que fuera con optimismo, me encontraba como aplastada. Si. Aplastada por ese diagnóstico en letras mayúsculas: FIBROMIALGIA.

Debo decir que ese primer año luego del diagnóstico fue muy difícil. Aparentemente nada cambió por fuera, pero todo cambió por dentro. Asumir ese diagnóstico y decidir qué hacer con él requería valentía, fuerza y determinación. Y era justo eso lo que sentía que no tenía.

Sin embargo, como alguien dijo alguna vez: «no sabes lo fuerte que eres, hasta que ser fuerte es tu única opción».

Continuará…

El sana a los quebrantados de corazón,
Y venda sus heridas.

Salmos 147: 3


Lore Burgos

Mi nombre es Lidia Lorena Burgos. Soy Licenciada en Psicología General. De nacionalidad argentina. Felizmente casada hace 26 años y madre de 4 hijas maravillosas de 26, 22, 18 y 14 años. Actualmente resido en la Provincia de Neuquén, Argentina. Me apasiona escribir artículos, trabajar en radio, y brindar charlas educativas a la comunidad en mi área. Mi motivación es el servicio y mi lema "Todo lo puedo en Cristo que me fortalece". Filipenses 4: 13

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